Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
