so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
