On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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