shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
