I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
