I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
