He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
