She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
