shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I did not marry a roomba.
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