so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
