i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
