I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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