First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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