You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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