If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
