I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
