I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
