If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
