Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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