Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
