Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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