new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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