i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
