my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who died my cat blue again?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
