Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
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He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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