i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if only i could text you this smell
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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