I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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