it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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