you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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