what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
