one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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