I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
