We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
