Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
