alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
