She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
