so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
