I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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