this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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