well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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