so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
