My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
