there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
