dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
