Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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