that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
