I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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