The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize