I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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