Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
