her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
