I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
