I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
