Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
