theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
