When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
