Screwed.edu
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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