so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
