Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
