I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
