last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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