She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
