I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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