dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
