After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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