he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
