im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
