The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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