I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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