the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
